Frustration to the Max

This is a frustration rant.

I am frustrated right now because I can’t sleep during the day no matter what and it is not for lack of trying. On days like today, when I arrive home from work overly exhausted and badly in need of rest, I give it a concerted effort by taking two sleeping pills and drinking a cocktail, expecting to go to right to sleep, but guess what? I can’t.

I would like to blame my sleep issues on my dad just for the hell of it because I blame him for everything else, but I guess that wouldn’t be fair. My dad could sleep through a hurricane. I’ll never forget how he would doze off during a church meeting and my mother would nudge him in irritation and wake him up. For some reason I took special delight in this, maybe because he was breaking the rules by sleeping, who knows. I had to glean pleasure wherever I could as a child.

So anyway here I sit typing after taking two sleeping pills and drinking a cocktail to take a nap, with no success. Don’t be alarmed by this confession of the pills and booze because my tolerance is higher than most, but I figured it was worth a try. By the way this confession is not an open invitation for you to write me a comment and scold me for the pills and booze. Now if you want to come visit me and spank me, we can negotiate something, but no scolding or lecturing, I’m not in the mood.

When I can’t blame my dad for my issues, the next person I like to blame is my mom, but I can’t in this case because she never had one bit of trouble sleeping during the day either and neither did any of my siblings. What is wrong with me!!

My mother’s attempt to cope with having so many children was to send us to bed early and make us take naps until we were quite old. I desperately wanted to sleep when I was supposed to sleep in order to get on my mother’s good side, but I just couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried.

My mother would play little games with me. She would be nice for awhile, then she would play hard ball and go into the kitchen and rattle the kitchen drawer to let me know she was taking out the wooden spoon and if I didn’t get to sleep soon, she would be in my room with the spoon to spank me. My mother wasn’t nearly as strict as my dad, so sometimes she followed through and sometimes not. I would stare at my sister as she snored and contemplate killing her just on principle.

One particular afternoon my mother was quite frustrated with me and I realize now it was probably a result of build up from several difficult days. When my dad got home from work that night my mother lost it and went into one of her “rages.” She complained to my dad about my unwillingness to nap and how frustrated it made her. My dad HATED it when we upset our mother. I learned this early on. I am not sure what I was doing at the time, but I remember freezing as I listened to my mom complain to my dad about my not napping again. My dad became angry. “Julie,” he called.

Guess what, I didn’t respond. No one scared me like he did. I was young, probably four or five, who knows. I wonder sometimes how I survived all the stress. My lack of response really pissed him off. He came and found me and grabbed me by the wrist and yanked me to the kitchen were he proceeded to sit down on a chair and pull me over his knee. “You better take a nap when your mom tells you to.” My dad was a master problem solver. I’m glad I don’t remember much else about the situation. The only thing I know for sure is that my mother never complained to him again about me not napping. He must have wailed me good and she probably realized she had made a mistake by telling him.

I would imagine I lost some trust for my mom that day because I really wasn’t trying to be obstinate, it’s just that I couldn’t nap and it wasn’t for lack of trying. I became fearful of what would happen to me after that, and I tried like crazy to nap and be good, but I couldn’t, not often enough to suit my mother. Finally she gave up on me, but I never felt she truly forgave me for not being like her other children who napped. My mom talked about it for years. I realize now I was nervous and high strung as a child and that was part of the problem.

I remember hiding from her under the bed a few times and faking sleep, but she always caught me and scolded me, or got mad when I got under the bed or hid in the closet in fear. I’m sure I was a thorn in my kindergarten teacher’s side too because I simply couldn’t sleep in kindergarten during nap time like the other kids. But you know, I’m a lot older than four, I’m forty years older in fact. Why can’t I fucking nap!! I guess I’ll have another cocktail and hope for the best.

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17 Responses to Frustration to the Max

  1. Anonymous says:

    I can’t nap either and never good. In fact, I don’t sleep much at all. My kids stopped napping ant 18 months (total drag for us!). I feel ya. It sucks but it just is!

    -Jess

    • Anonymous says:

      Jess,

      Ugh! Sorry to hear about that. It is always interesting to me when you comment how many things about us are so similar. It blows me away!

      Juju

  2. Anonymous says:

    I can never sleep when I *try* to sleep; I’m too much involved with the process of trying. What sometimes works for me — and works for others as well — is to eat a moderately heavy meal, then do something that doesn’t take too much intellectual effort. I suspect that’s where the siesta custom may have originated. And whatever you do, don’t expect instant success; your mind and your body take a while to fully unwind. Meanwhile, try to enjoy whatever you’re doing.

    Hope you manage to catch some z’s and won’t read this right away because you’re snoozing! ZZZzzzzz…

    C.

    • Anonymous says:

      C.,

      I had not thought of the heavy meal idea, but I can see the benefits. Unfortunately for me my significant stomach issues prevent me from sleeping comfortably after eating heavily. I’m a mess! No, I never did get to sleep.

      Juju

  3. mgtgirl says:

    During my kindergarten nap time, I would lie awake and stare at the cute boy who had the assigned nap mat next to me. Not a single time do I remember going to sleep during nap time.

    Forced naps don’t do anyone any good.

    • Anonymous says:

      LOL I bet that cute boy was looking right back at you! I would scoot around on my little mat during nap time in kindergarten and cause trouble. That damn teacher always yelled at me. I was such a gem, let me tell you.

  4. paul1510 says:

    Frustration to the Max

    JuJu, join the club, I consider four hours a good night.
    If wishes were jet aeroplanes, I’d happily pop over and give you the spanking that you desire, that would send you to sleep alright.
    I won’t share my opinion of sleeping tablets. :(
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

    • Anonymous says:

      Re: Frustration to the Max

      Paul,

      Wow, I’m sorry to hear you have such significant sleep issues. I wish you could come spank me too, I need it. I know the sleeping pills aren’t good, and neither is the alcohol. Everything good for me is sooo boring!

      Love and Hugs,
      Juju

  5. Anonymous says:

    Frustration to the Max

    Hi Julie,

    My sleep pattern has been screwed up for the last couple of years. Like Paul, my usual stretch is about 4 hours. There are plenty of nights that I don’t sleep at all. I’ve tried sleeping pills and alcohol; but gave up because I’d wake up after 4 hours with a bugger of a headache.

    My mom did the same thing with us except there were only 2 until my brother came along after I turned 6. It was during this period that I received most of my paddlings. As a child I always had a problem falling alseep when it was light out (I hated daylight savings time, still do).

    Sometimes I can fall asleep by reading a boring book. Computer and TV don’t work…well there is an exception. I’ve got some DVD’s of the cartoon show, Family Guy. I love that show; but darn if I can stay awake. There’s something about the voices that calm me down and put me to sleep if I’m in the state you describe. The downside is the TV and DVD player are wasting power while I snooze away.

    Hugs,
    Cathy

    • Anonymous says:

      Re: Frustration to the Max

      Cathy,

      I had to laugh when I read your comment because it reminded me that last December we bought another season of the Family Guy, we own all the seasons because we love that show. I have a chair in my other room that everyone knows is “my” chair, even though I’m not Archie Bunker by any stretch of the imagination, everyone just knows I want to sit in that chair and they are nice enough to accommodate me. It’s a recliner. Anyway, the same thing would happen to me, I would be deeply engrossed in the show and find myself falling right off to sleep, I wanted to curse myself for it, but at the same time I was torn because I was so happy to be sleeping. LOL I forgot about that until you mentioned it. Maybe I should put on The Family Guy and see if it helps. What is it about that show? I used to leave my TV on all night, but I’ve stopped that. I bought something dark to cover my window and slept late today for a change. It was nice.

      Hugs,
      Juju

  6. Poor Juju. I could never take a nap either as a kid. Sometimes my grandma would make me so that she could nap, but I’d just stay in the room looking at the ceiling. I’ve never really had a set sleeping pattern. This is due to my mom working shift work when I was a kid. Some weeks she would pick me up at 10 or 11 PM from grandmas while other weeks she would pick me up after school. On nights where she worked over night I would have to spend the night at grandmas or my aunts house. I have always been a night person. I HATED going to sleep while the adults got to watch Johnny Carson. As an adult I prefer being the last person to go to sleep.

    • Anonymous says:

      Creepingfear,

      It’s nice to hear from you again! I was noticing how many of us who posted responses about not being able to sleep were spanked as children. I think all those who said they had issues were spanked as children, including you I guess. It sounds like you never had a set schedule either and that has to be disruptive. I can relate to wanting to stay up late. I still prefer it, but can’t do it as well as I used to be able to because I have to be at work early. -Juju

      • I haven’t posted for a while, but I’m always reading your blog. Yes I was spanked, but nothing compared to you JuJu. I might have witnessed more spankings as a kid than received, but I never forgot a spanking. My sleep pattern can’t be healthy. I sleep better when I work out, which has been a while.

  7. tinaslut says:

    I understand your frustration but I doubt if sleeping pills and coctails will do the trick… Try a long walk instead. As a dog owner I get plenty of fresh air and I never have any problems with sleeping. Also, after an intense punishment session and rough, wild sex I tend to fall asleep very easily…

    You have a great blog and I am linking back to you. Thanks for the link to my place. By the way, I just posted a question on my blog which surfaced in a discussion I had on IRC the other day. It would be interesting to hear your thoughts on he matter “How to punish a masochist slut”.

    Take care and have a great weekend,
    tina from Sweden
    http://www.tinaslut.blogspot.com/

    • Anonymous says:

      tina,

      I would love to have an intense punishment session and rough wild sex, yes I think that would help tremendously. It sucks to be single. The pills and booze don’t work, but I do what I can. Thank you for the link. I left a comment on your blog, interesting topic.

      You have a great weekend yourself,
      Juju

  8. Anonymous says:

    Oh Juju…I don’t remember being “forced” to nap…but I do remember laying in my bed with my window open…my Raggedy Ann curtains blowing in the wind. I felt peaceful but not sleepy – and thankfully my mom never seemed to care. NOW – I can lay down and nap….I think I see it as a way to avoid my problems…..or maybe it’s depression..haha. That’s the good news for you! You are probably NOT depressed…just frustrated. *big hugs*

    Barbie

    • Anonymous says:

      Barb,

      LOL My mom’s issues came in when I wouldn’t just lay there and watch the curtains blow, I would get up every five minutes and bug her or sneak to play with my toys. I did learn to stay in my bed, as long as I lay there making up stories I did OK, but still couldn’t sleep. I wish I could sleep like you describe sleeping, but my inability to sleep is also a sign of depression the same as sleeping too much is! *insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day* So we might be in the same boat, just experiencing different scenery. ;) — Juju