Thank You

Someone wrote me a very nice email a week or two ago and I meant to write them back an equally eloquent response, but unfortunately I didn’t get that done.  So, I thought I would mention in on here.  It was complimentary about my writing and it made my day to read it.  Lately, I have had a rush of people registering on the blog as well, and I appreciate that the interest that is still there despite my severe neglect.  As a hostess of a blog, I’ve been noticeably absent for quite some time.

I have had yearly struggles.  It all started in 2011 when I made a decision that led me into one horrible experience after another.  It was like a domino effect and a gift that just keeps on giving.  I am still recovering from that idiotic decision and things seem to be getting worse rather than better, but I keep on hanging in there. I’ve got a job right now with a fairly high hourly wage but with no real benefits attached to it and quite a bit of paperwork that I have to do on the side that I am not directly paid for.  For now, this job works well for me.  It is flexible, and I need that.

I have to thank my dad for being there for me this past 6 months.  He’s been an outstanding help to me.  My children have been there for me as well.  Like I said, it’s been an interesting journey.

Some of you wonder if I will ever get back to writing my fiction.  The truth is that I am stuck on a chapter of The Jackson’s.  I know what I need to write, but I don’t want to write it.  I know where the story is going and what the ending will be, but I hate the way it sounds when I write it.  It all reads fake to me and the words are not coming easy.  Every now and then I get it out and tinker some more with it.  That’s what the big holdup is with my writing at the moment.  Hopefully I will post that chapter soon and move on.

My eyes are closing now, it’s bedtime.  Goodnight.

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That 70′s Show

My son got me interested in watching “That 70′s Show” not long ago.  I streamed almost the entire series on Netflix.  I loved it!  All of the 70′s props took me back.  The attitudes, dialogue, and jokes took me back.  Why is it that those days seem like “the good old days?”  I know I was a moody teenager back then and my life wasn’t rosy, but it sure seems like it was when I look back on those days.  I guess we always feel that way when we look back at decades past.  We dwell on the good times I guess and we tend to forget the bad stuff.

After watching the last episode of “That 70′s Show” I am listening to 70′s music and I can’t believe we listened to some of this shit and LIKED it.  I’ve been feeling old lately.  I found a job and I’m starting to get back to work after a few months of rest and relaxation.  It’s good for me to work. Bleh.  This job comes with a flexible schedule and that’s what I need.  I need lots of freedom.  Holy Fuck…War just came on the music of the 70′s station and they are singing “Why Can’t We Be Friends.”  LOL  Shit.

Next month is my birthday.  It’s a landmark birthday for me.  I don’t even want to think about my age.  I’m a grandma, a fuckin’ grandma.  Can you believe it?  I can’t.  My granddaughter is so cute that I love that little girl with all my heart.  She’s smart as a whip and I can’t wait until all of her talking makes sense.  She’s gonna be a talker just like her mother.

I usually have lots of company these days.  Most nights I have people here playing Nintendo with me and each other.  I’m even in touch with people I knew from several years ago through my kids.  You’d think I was a youngster or something. LOL  Well, I like to think I’m fun sometimes and not always just an ornery old wench.

Well after listening to “Love Train” and now “Sometimes When We Touch” maybe I’ll pour a glass of water and relax.  It’s just about time for bed.

 

 

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And the beat goes on…

I feel as if I have been on a hiatus for quite a while now.  Each day is a new day and they are getting longer. This hiatus comes with little money and not much fun, so I wouldn’t recommend it.  I’ve interviewed a number of times for jobs over the past couple of months, but I have been unsuccessful in finding anything that fits me and them.  Constant interviews take a huge toll on me.  I feel beat up at times after some of these interviews.  Sometimes these things just take time.

I am now looking at jobs in places where I would have to relocate, other states and countries, and I have mixed feelings about relocating.  Relocating a couple of years ago didn’t work out so well for me, so I’m scared to try it again.  Yet, nothing local seems to be panning out.  I have the option of being self-employed, but that is a lot of work and is new territory for me.

I don’t always do this, but I read my tarot cards last night.  I’d rather have someone else read my tarot for me, but sometimes we have to do what we have to do.  The outcome of the reading, after two different types of readings, does not look good for me, which means I need to change some things right now in the course of my life to avoid having a “not so good” outcome.  I don’t know how much I believe in quantum physics as it applies to the tarot and/or other measuring tools like astrology, but I’ve found these tools to be fairly accurate at times, much to my surprise.  Just so you know, I turn to tarot when I feel lost.  It’s sort of a last resort for me.

On another note, I began writing some science fiction, so we’ll see how that goes and if it winds up on the blog. The elephant in the room right now is having THIS blog.  It’s probably not advised and there are times that I am thinking of disappearing this part of my life.  I don’t think a connection can be made to the actual me, but who knows for sure?  These days employers check the internet and the tags on your underwear before hiring you.  I’m uncertain what to think about all of that. .

I am baring my soul to you right now.  I got screwed on my last job, and this doesn’t help the reference section on my current resume’.  I don’t know what I’m going to do if things don’t come together for me soon.  I’m getting a bit used to not working, and that’s not good, but eventually unemployment money runs out, and then what?  I need to think positive and do things that will bring me up.  I’m trying, but it’s not easy.

Then there is this little factor going on that I have not been on some needed medications for a while now.  This is due to a disruption in my insurance.  It’s not helping me do well at interviews or anywhere else to be without this needed medication.  I have health insurance now, thanks to Obama, but it’s just now coming into effect and the pharmacy is out of what I need.  Today was quite a cluster fuck for me.  I damaged my truck which pissed me the fuck off.  It’s the side panel and I hit into a metal post and scraped it.  Jeezus….  Then the pharmacy doesn’t have my pills, and I’m unsure what to do about that.  I guess try more pharmacies.  I need those pills.

Well that’s all for now.  Take it easy.  Any opinions or views on any of this would be appreciated.  There seems to be something wrong with my comments, so I’ll see if I can look into that right away.  We’ll see I guess.

Sayonara.

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Sexual Contusions

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my sexuality lately.  I’ve known that I was bisexual for a while, but I’m beginning to think I’m not even bisexual but a full blown lesbian.  I am becoming more attractive to women all the time.  The sad part is that I feel I missed the boat.  I’m getting older now and I spent too many years fucking around and not understanding anything about myself, including being gay.

I recall a conversation I had with my cousin about seven or eight years ago.  He told me how fucked up he was from his upbringing, particularly the religious part of it.  He had been through a lot of mind trips.  At that time I didn’t feel the exact same way, but now I do.  I felt fucked up for so many other reasons, but not my sexuality.

I want to find a woman that I love who loves me back and shack up with her.  I guess that about sums it up for me.  There are not many women I am attracted to, but there are a few.  I want to live life on my own terms.  Good fucking Lord, why this and why now?  Is my life going to be all about self-discovery or am I going to get a chance to live it.  I’m not sure what to think.

 

lesbian lovers

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The Brothel 10

Time to update something else for a change.

The Brothel 10

The Eye of the Storm

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More Births

Granddaughter’s birthday is tomorrow.  She is one.  Mom’s birthday is Sunday, R.I.P.  She would have been age 83?  I have a brother with a birthday on Sunday as well.  He would never be seen on social media though, and I don’t want to call him.  Is that bad?  I never realized so many people I know have birthdays in April.  Hmmm.

I am looking all over the place for jobs it seems.  How does London sound?  What about Northern Montana?  LOL  Maybe I will run into the Jackson’s if I go to Montana.

Say goodnight Gracie.

 

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Quit over thinking things

Thought of Russ all day on April 1.  Thought of Mark all day on March 7.  Thought of Cheryl all day on March 8.  Those where their birthdays, let’s not even get into their death dates.  Are they happier?  I seriously need to get out of this funk.

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Imagine

Another shooting in Fort Hood.  All I can think of are the lyrics to John Lennon’s song.

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

 

 

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Turn turn turn

I am feeling nostalgic tonight and have been for quite some time.  My current status?  I remain unemployed, but my job search is becoming more serious these days than it was at first.  My unemployment checks are keeping me afloat, but those only last so long.

I was asked why I no longer write much about my dad spanking me anymore while I was growing up.  After all, those were the stories that made my blog so popular back in 2006, 2007, and 2008.  I was also asked if I forgive him.  The answer to those questions is that I forgive him and also that I needed to write those experiences down in order to forgive him.  Now I have no desire to write about them anymore.  They were written from my own unique perspective, and this helped tremendously.

Although I stopped writing and have forgiven my dad (and mom), that does not mean that I have forgotten.  It’s pretty easy to dredge up a memory of how I felt when I knew punishment was imminent.  It’s pretty easy to dredge up a memory of what it felt like to get the shit beat out of me.  It’s something I will never forget, even though I have forgiven, some things you simply never forget.

Now, I am able to think of the things I did wrong and got away with, and I am able to think of the days I came home from school and my mother was baking cookies.  Life was not all black and blue, there were many other colors as well.  To be as corny as possible, I will say that “to everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.”  Right now I am in the season of my life in which I feel compelled to leave the past in the past.

 

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The Jacksons 43

The Jacksons Chapter 43

Discoveries

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