Alex was grateful for her snowboarding weekends.  She was becoming better friends with Jodi and Barrett, and she was learning the fine art of snowboarding.  It was a great escape for her and she treasured every minute of it.    

“You’re getting better at this.” Barrett smiled at her.  They both finished their run at the same time.      

“Thanks Sporto.”  Alex’s nickname for Barrett was “Sporto.”   Barrett was the captain of the football team, and the star of every other sport the high school sponsored, so she felt it was fitting.  Alex had always been attracted to hoodlums, so her attraction to Barrett was a little unnerving.   

Barrett liked it when Alex was sarcastic.  She wasn’t like any of the other girl he had known.  She didn’t fall all over herself trying to get his attention.  She was real.  She didn’t treat him like a trophy.  “So when can we go snowboarding during the week?”  Barrett asked.   

Alex hated when he asked her about doing things on weeknights.  There was no way Drew would allow it.  Alex was pushing her luck to be able to go snowboarding on the weekends, and she lived in fear that Drew would take that away from her if she didn’t behave.  There was no way she would ever ask Drew about snowboarding on school nights.  “I don’t know,” she sipped her hot chocolate.  Jodi rushed up with a few of their other mutual friends, and saved her from having to finish the conversation with Barrett.  “Oh my God!” Jodi exclaimed.  “You should have seen Doug.  He went almost all the way upside down on his last jump, and he made a perfect landing.”

“It’s a miracle he didn’t break his neck,” Christy grinned.  She was another girl in their group.   

“Awesome dude,” Barrett gave Doug a high five.  He was interested to hear all about it.  Doug was his best friend.    

“It was Olympic worthy,” Jodi said.     

Doug grinned.  “It was no big deal.” 

Alex acted unimpressed.   She was never friendly toward Doug.  He was Barrett’s best friend, and therefore she tolerated him, but she viewed him as arrogant and cocky.  He was not “nice” the same way Barrett was.  Barrett looked like the all-American athlete, and Doug looked like a shaggy, rugged outdoorsman.  Both were the most popular boys in school.    

“If you hadn’t been in here drooling over Alex, you would have seen it.” Doug noted.  He knew it got under Alex’s skin when he made remarks like that.

Alex sneered.      

Barrett was from the right side of the tracks.  His father was the Mayor of the town, and a prestigious business owner.  Alex knew very little about Doug or his family, but he didn’t seem well bred.  She loathed him for reasons she couldn’t put into words.    

“C’mon, let’s go back up and snowboard.” Barrett said, looking at Alex.      

It annoyed Doug that Alex was always so cold to him.  He wondered who in the hell she thought she was.  She wasn’t any better than he was, and her flippant attitude annoyed him.  “Yeah, you should get back on the hill and get more practice Alex,” Doug said.  “Maybe someday you’ll be able to go down the mountain without falling.”        

“Fuck you,” Alex responded.  Everyone chuckled.             

“He’s just teasing you,” Barrett said with a smile.  He gave her a peck on the cheek and to make Doug jealous, Alex turned and kissed Barrett with a passion.  Barrett was a little stunned, but he enjoyed it.      

Doug winked at Alex and laughed and everyone headed back up the hill.   

Alex looked at Barrett.  “You don’t have to hang around me.  If you want to show that cocky bastard Doug how it’s done, go right ahead.”

Barrett grinned.  “I sometimes get the feeling you hate Doug.” 

Alex was self-conscious.  “He can be a real asshole sometimes,” Alex said.  She tried not to let on how much Doug got under her skin.    

Barrett laughed.  “He’s not as bad as you think.  He’ll probably get scholarship offers to play football at some of the best colleges in the nation.  He’s one of the best receivers I’ve ever seen.  He makes me look like a good quarterback.” 

They finished snowboarding, and Barrett and Doug took off in Doug’s car with several of the other members of their group.  Jodi’s parents always gave Alex and Jodi a ride, and Alex watched them drive away.  Doug owned a beat up Chevy Tahoe, and Alex wondered what it would be like to ride in it.    

 

***

 

Joey hated when Alex was gone snowboarding.  The day after Christmas Drew had treated them to a day of snowboarding.  Joey was uncoordinated and clumsy when it came to physical activity, and he did not enjoy it.  Lizzie took it in stride and was naturally happy about it.  She was willing to try anything, but she had no desire to continue doing it.  Drew was good at it, but he had skied before and so had Michelle.  Madison sat glaring at everyone and doing very little snowboarding.    

Joey waited patiently for Alex to return.  He knew she had a crush on Barrett and he was jealous when he watched them in the hallways at school together.  He knew that Alex was his sister now, but he couldn’t help feeling jealous.    

When Alex came through the back door and shed her snowboarding gear, Michelle was in the kitchen making dinner.  “Don’t leave that equipment in front of the back door like you did last time,” Michelle warned. 

Joey knew that was his cue to walk into the kitchen.  “You’re late.”

Alex shook her head.  “You always say that Geek Boy.  You just want to see me get in trouble.” 

“She’s not late.” Michelle said. 

“So how was it?”  Joey asked. 

“Fine,” Alex was tired and in no mood to humor Joey or be quizzed.    

Michelle could tell that Joey was jealous of Alex’s social life, and she suspected he was still struggling over his feelings for her.  “How about setting the dinner table Joey?” Michelle asked. 

Joey opened the kitchen drawer and began to pull out the silverware.  “Who went snowboarding with you?”  Joey asked, but Alex had left the kitchen and was already on her way up the stairs.  She didn’t bother to answer him. 

Drew overheard their conversation from the other room.  He walked into the kitchen and kissed Michelle and then he looked at Joey.  “You took drivers ed last semester.  We need to get you that driver’s license.” 

“There isn’t enough room in my truck to drive everyone to and from school,” Joey said. 

Drew and Michelle glanced at each other.  “What does that have to do with getting your driver’s license?”

Joey quickly set the table and just as he finished, he felt Drew’s hand on his arm.   

“C’mere for a minute Joey,” Drew gently said and then he guided Joey to his office. 

“What did I do?”  Joey’s stomach did flip-flops when they entered Drew’s office.  He was afraid he was about to be punished.    

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Drew said. 

Joey looked up nervously.  “Then why are we in here?”

Drew sat down on the edge of his desk and looked at Joey.  “Alex is your sister now.”

Joey looked down.  “I know.”

“She’s going to have a social life whether you like it or not.  It’s time you stopped focusing on her life and worried about your own,” Drew said.

Joey’s face flushed red.  “I-I d-don’t…”

“It’s OK Joey,” Drew gently touched his shoulder.  “You’ve been through a lot, and this adjustment isn’t easy for you, but every time Alex comes home you don’t need to quiz her about her life.  I’ll do that.  It’s time for you to move on and get a life of your own.”

“Alex runs around with all of the popular kids,” Joey said in disgust.  “She never did that when we lived in the city.”  

“She’s outgoing and attractive,” Drew said.  “I’m not surprised she is popular here with the other students.  She’s finding her way, and it’s time for you to let her go.” 

Joey was embarrassed and he didn’t quite know how to respond.   

“I don’t care how you do it Joey, but find a way to stop being jealous of everything Alex does.”  Drew gave Joey’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.  “OK son?” 

Joey nodded.  “OK.” 

“It’s time for you to find your own interests and your own group of friends,” Drew said.

Joey couldn’t seem to stop obsessing over Alex.  He knew it was an issue, and he could tell it was getting bad if even Drew wanted him to stop. 

Everyone gathered around the table to eat.  Lizzie was in one of her dream states and couldn’t stop petting Jasper.  Maddie ignored them all as usual, and Alex could barely keep her eyes open.  Alex couldn’t wait to finish eating so that she could go upstairs and crash.  Joey sat silently eating and thinking of the talk Drew had with him right before dinner. 

“My goal next week is to get Joey his driver’s license,” Drew announced.

Alex was surprised.  “When will the rest of us be that lucky?”  She was taking driver’s education class in school this semester, but she was still irritated that Drew had purchased a truck for Joey and no vehicle for her. 

“I’m beginning to trust you more Alex, so you will soon be able to drive.”  Drew said. 

“I’ll be seventeen in April,” Alex said.  “Most of my friends are already driving.” 

“I don’t even want to drive,” Lizzie said.  Driving scared her.    

Maddie thought about how she would never be driving at the rate things were going.  She knew Drew would only allow her to drive if she could behave appropriately.  Even though it would be a couple of years before she was old enough, Drew watched her like a hawk and she couldn’t imagine him ever allowing her that much freedom. 

They finished dinner in silence and the remainder of the evening was quiet. 

 

***

 

Ms. Coles’ voice faded into the background as Lizzie sat through another long tutoring session.  “Elizabeth,” Ms. Coles said after a while.  She was frustrated with Lizzie’s lack of attention. 

“I’m sorry.” Lizzie looked up at Ms. Coles and her eyes filled with tears. 

“I know this is not the most interesting subject Lizzie, but you’ve got to start paying attention.”  Ms. Coles was tired of tutoring Lizzie because Lizzie struggled to focus and there was very little effort put forth on Lizzie’s part. 

“Don’t tell my dad I wasn’t paying attention.” Lizzie pleaded.   

Lizzie made that request often.  Ms. Coles reached over and patted Lizzie’s hand.  “I know this is difficult Lizzie, but you need to concentrate.” 

It was a common occurrence for Ms. Coles to be frustrated, and Lizzie could tell Ms. Coles was reaching her limit.  “I can’t do this crap,” Lizzie said, and she pushed her book to the floor in frustration.    

Ms. Coles had never witnessed Lizzie push her books from the table, and she knew it was a bad sign.  She slowly stood up.  “I think we both need a break,” Ms. Coles took Lizzie by the arm and led her out the back door inside her attached green house.  Ms. Coles had never shown the greenhouse to Lizzie.  Inside the greenhouse, there were flowers everywhere.  It was like a beautiful spring garden in the middle of winter. 

Lizzie wiped her eyes.  “This is beautiful,” Lizzie said and she danced around in a circle as she looked at all of the varieties of flowers and inhaled the wonderful fragrances.  She sniffed one flower after another and Ms. Coles’ smiled with amusement. 

“That’s one of my favorites,” Ms. Coles said when she saw Lizzie pause near a white Lily.  Ms. Coles’ eyes sparkled with affection.  She gently reached up and removed a stray hair from Lizzie’s eyes.  “I know you don’t like to study Lizzie.” 

Lizzie closed her eyes, suddenly jarred back to reality.  “I’m going to be in so much trouble when my dad finds out how bad I’m doing in school.” 

Ms. Coles didn’t want to know the details of what sort of trouble Lizzie meant.  “You sometimes remind me of my daughter Ellie,” Ms. Coles smiled.  “There was a time when she was young that I had to give her a reward for every page of reading she did.”

Lizzie looked up at Ms. Coles.  “You have a daughter?”

Ms. Coles smiled.  “She lives in L.A. now.  She was never fond of the cold.”  Ms. Coles placed her hand beneath Lizzie’s chin.  “I’ll make a deal with you Lizzie,” Ms. Coles said.  “If you study hard for the first ninety minutes you are here, then I’ll let you wander around in the greenhouse as a reward for the remainder of your time with me.” 

That reward would not tempt most children, but Lizzie loved the idea.  “OK,” she grinned. 

“If you buckle down and work hard for the next week,” Ms. Coles said, “Then I won’t have to discuss your lack of effort with your dad.” 

Lizzie breathed a sigh of relief.  “Do you promise?”  

“Yes.”  Ms. Coles hoped Lizzie would work harder because she didn’t want to talk to Drew about Lizzie’s progress.  She wanted to see Lizzie succeed.

 

***

 

Maddie often found herself in a state of flux.  She wanted to skip school to be with her friends, but she didn’t want to suffer the consequences for doing so.  She hated that her Uncle Drew, who was now her dad, was able to control her life so well.      

“C’mon Mad,” Gil pleaded.  “It’s not that big of a deal.  If we leave for an hour or two, I can get you back here before school is over and anyone knows you were gone.”

Maddie wondered if they could pull it off.  Gil had been working out schemes for days.  “My dad will kill me if he finds out,” she said. When she spoke to others about Drew, she could call him dad, but in person she was not comfortable using that term.    

“He’ll never find out,” Gil assured her. 

“We can’t get so high that we lose track of time,” Maddie said. 

Gil could tell she was softening.  “We won’t.” 

Maddie was tired of school and her life.  She reluctantly agreed to Gil’s scheme and she delivered a false note to the office requesting that she leave school for the afternoon due to a dental appointment.  She handed the note to the secretary and then proceeded to sign herself out of school.  She hoped to return before school was over, so that no one would be the wiser.  She and Gil took the back streets and stayed out of sight until they reached the abandoned buildings.  Once inside, Gil pulled out some weed and loaded a bowl in the glass pipe he had in his pocket.  Gil handed the pipe and a lighter to Maddie.  She took a hit from the pipe, savoring the greens.  Gil followed her lead, and after a few hits from the pipe, they sat down on the dirty floor together. 

Maddie rested her head on Gil’s shoulder.  “I love it here,” she whispered.

Gil smiled down at her.  “Me too,” he sighed.  He held her for a while, and they basked in each other’s company. 

“I wish we could do this every day,” Maddie said. 

“We can,” Gill assured her. 

“How?”  Maddie asked.  “I can’t write a fake note about going to the dentist every day.” 

“We’ll think of other ways that we can leave so that we can be together,” Gil said. 

Maddie rested her head against him.  They were two lost souls with enough in common that they took comfort in each other’s company.  Gil didn’t feel any love at home.  His parents were always high and selling drugs.  His dad was in and out of jail, and his mother sometimes prostituted herself.  He came from the trashiest of worlds.  Maddie was having trouble fitting in at home too.  She wanted to be part of the Jackson family, but she didn’t know what being part of a family felt like.  She didn’t feel as if she belonged, and she knew she wasn’t even trying to be part of the Jackson family.  Gil was Maddie’s definition of family and she was his. 

“We better go back,” Gil said after they smoked more weed.  He stood up and pulled Maddie to her feet.  They were very high, but they managed to get back to school in time for Maddie to grab her books from her locker and catch the bus.  Gil watched her go home on the bus, and he breathed a heavy sigh.  He wanted to take her away from this small town.  He wasn’t interested in having sex with her.  He was only interested in being around her.  There was part of him that feared her dad, but he had a dad just like Maddie’s, or so he thought, and he could handle his own dad so he figured he could also handle Drew.   Every day that he didn’t see Maddie, Gil felt empty. 

When they arrived home from school, Maddie immediately went to feed the horse.  Lizzie was at her tutoring session and Alex and Joey always went upstairs to do their homework.  Feeding Guthrie was becoming another way to escape for Maddie.  The barn was climate controlled and warm enough not to bother her.  As Maddie combed Guthrie, she felt a sense of relief.  It was nice to be high for a change.  She was so absorbed in what she was doing, that she was startled when she heard footsteps approaching.  It was Alex. 

“I could smell the weed on you,” Alex said, and she looked at Maddie. 

Maddie turned three shades of red.  “It’s your imagination.” 

“Oh really,” Alex said.  She laughed, because Maddie apparently thought she was an idiot.  “Dad is going to find out.” 

Maddie looked away.  “Are you going to tell him?”

Alex scoffed.  “No.” 

“Then what do you want from me?”  Maddie asked. 

“I want to warn you that you are playing with fire.”  Alex said.  “I know what it must be like for you, but I’ve learned the hard way it’s easier to play by the rules than fight against them.” 

“Whatever.”  Maddie was tempted to tell Alex how much she hated Drew.  Her eyes began to burn and she held her tears back and remained silent, attempting to swallow the big lump in her throat. 

Alex sympathized.  “I know it’s not easy to adjust to living here Maddie.” 

Maddie turned away, wishing that Alex would leave her alone. 

“I know how it feels to be in your shoes,” Alex said.  “My dad…”  Alex’s voice trailed off and she was unable to finish her sentence.  She didn’t think Maddie was listening anyway.      

Maddie managed to fight back her tears and the lump in her throat.  She was interested in Alex’s words.  “Your dad what?”

“He always finds out,” Alex said.  She looked Maddie straight in the eyes and Maddie quickly looked away.  “He’s got a criminal mastermind,” Alex said.  “He can tell when shit is going on behind his back.” 

Maddie closed her eyes.   

“He knows when a fourteen-year-old living under his roof is breaking the rules.”  Alex said. 

“Are you going to tell on me?”  Maddie asked again.    

“No.  I’m just trying to warn you that he will figure out what is going on.  Don’t do this.”  Alex said.      

“I can’t follow the rules.  You don’t understand.  Gil cares about me.  He likes me.  He’s the only one who likes me.”  Maddie said.   

Alex understood how Maddie felt.  “Do you think my Dad is going to care that you think Gil is the only person that likes you?”

Maddie shook her head.  “No.” 

“Whether you like it or not, you are one of us now, and my dad is not going to put up with you skipping school or seeing someone like Gil.”  Alex said. 

Maddie didn’t want to hear Alex’s words.  She knew they were true, and she noticed that Alex kept referring to Drew as “my dad.”  She didn’t know why that irritated her, but it did.  She continued brushing the horse.  “I’ll run away.” 

“Brilliant.”  Alex laughed.  “You’ll run away and he won’t ever track you down.  Are we talking about the same guy?”

Maddie felt trapped.  “Leave me alone.” 

“I suggest you use a dryer sheet when you come inside and rub it all over your clothes to get rid of that smell.”  Alex said, turning to leave the barn.  “God help you when he finds out what you are doing Maddie.” 

Maddie went back to combing the horse. 

Joey had followed Alex and he stood listening near the barn door to their conversation.  He hurried to hide before Alex saw him, but she noticed his boot prints in the snow that led around the side of the barn.  “I see your footprints geek boy.” 

Joey emerged from his hiding place.  “You should tell on her before it gets worse.” 

Alex whirled around and glared at him as they headed to the house.  “Are you out of your fucking mind?  I’m not telling on her.  You tell on her.”

Joey thought about that suggestion.  He knew he could not bear the idea of Maddie getting spanked.  Maddie was his little sister now, and he felt protective of her.  “No,” Joey said.  Even though spanking turned him on, it was not the same to think about Maddie getting a spanking and him being responsible for it.    

“Let her dig her own grave,” Alex said as they walked up the stairs to their respective rooms.      

Joey struggled to bury his feelings for Alex.  It wasn’t easy, but Drew was his mentor, and the only father he had ever known.  “Dad’s going to catch her.” 

“I know,” Alex said and Joey could hear the anguish in Alex’s voice as she turned away from him and headed inside her room. 

Joey watched her close her bedroom door.  He realized Alex was trying to save Maddie, and that Alex felt as protective of Maddie as he did.  Drew could be so gentle and kind sometimes, joking and smiling with them, but when it came time to punish them, he had no qualms about it.  Joey cringed.  He wondered if he would ever be half the man Drew was. 

 

~*~

 

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